For anyone who even remotely identifies as socially awkward, you know that each week (day, hour, maybe even minute for some) will have its social ups and downs. These ups and downs will never be fairly distributed, sadly.
For some the ups might include: Carrying on a conversation without having to rely on movie/TV references to relate to the subject material, walking in front of a group of people without tripping, maintaining composure when everyone’s attention is directed towards you, riding in an elevator with one other person and avoiding stilted smalltalk. Some of these are really just myths, but you get the point.
I don’t think I need to provide examples for the lows, but I welcome anyone who reads this to share a recent awkward encounter they’ve had in the comments section below. It’s always nice to know I’m not alone/actually have people who read this blog. Not that I don’t enjoy talking to myself because I do and often, but I would also enjoy to hear about other people’s experiences failing at “normal human interactions.”
Well, this weekend I experienced my low for the week. Granted, I had been surprisingly on top of my game, so I should have known the universe was going to throw me a last-minute curveball.
I was hit on this weekend and before you say “whoopty-freakin’ doo,” I just want to clarify that I’m not even bragging. The worst forms of torture I can imagine for myself would be public speaking, telling a room full of distant relatives what I do for a living and flirting. Also, I suppose I would include the regular forms of torture such as waterboarding, electrocution, being forced to watch the 2nd Transformers movie on a loop, etc. I have a low pain tolerance.
The flirtation was simple enough; I finished eating breakfast at a restaurant I frequent roughly every other Sunday and when I went up to pay, the cashier (who I’ve never spoken to) told me it was “very nice to see me again” and coyly smiled at me. It was game over immediately, folks.
I went full Zooey Deschanel and began spluttering out nonsense and a lot of fragmented sentences. From what I remember it went something like this:
*turns bright red*
“Ehrm, thanks I… Well I guess I’m a regular now, right! I sure do come here a lot, I guess. Hahaha… Do I need to sign the receipt? Some places you need to sign and other places they don’t make you, so I never know if I need to sign or not. I do? Okay, hahaha…”
*scribbles indecipherable nonsense on receipt*
“There.. that.. is. Um, here ya go.”
*makes successful 180° pivot and promptly exits restaurant*
Not even that big of a flirtation, right? Sadly, that’s all it takes and now I have to spend the next few weeks mentally recovering and I also need find a new place to eat breakfast.